Without further ado.... my weight loss for the week

Yes children, despite the fact that Ashley won't get her fat ass in gear and go to the gym and weigh herself, I'm going to end your suspense and announce my fabulous, amazing weight loss numbers for the week. The numbers are impressively high, but I want to assure you that they are an accurate measure of my weight.

A little word about honesty in this competition, while no one will be looking over my shoulder, or Ashley's shoulder, from week to week as we weigh ourselves in, my plan is to use the same honour system as the electric company. You see, they ask you to read your electric meter every so often and pay a bill based on the amount of usage that you reported. Sooner or later however, the electric company's meter reader will come to your house and give an accurate reading of the meter, even if the meter reader never gets a chance to come around, they always come around at the time a house is sold. So even if you don't report accurately every time, eventually you will have to pay the bill. In this case, at some point when Ashley is at my house, or I'm at hers, we are going to check the actual weight of the other person just to make sure that they are close to the weight they have been reporting so far.

That being said, I will now tell you of my fabulous weightloss. In order to get a consistent number I always weigh myself first thing in the morning before going to the bathroom or eating breakfast. Yesterday, my weight was 4 pounds below my weight last week, but since Ashley has taken an extra day to put her results in, I weighed myself again this morning and I'd lost another 3 pounds. So I started out in this competition being **2, and yesterday I was **8 and this morning I was **5. So, In total I've lost 7 pounds in our first week of the competition. Thank you, thank you, very much. I'd like to thank Jesus, and my mother, and all the fans, my manager, and all of those who gave me support. I would not like to thank all the jerks who tried to avoid getting fat themselves by bringing Christmas chocolate into work this week and put it by my desk in the hopes that it would be greedily devoured by the folks at the office, especially the woman who put the caramel Hershey's kisses on my desk, curses to you lady! I would also like to not thank my boyfriend for sitting around our apartment eating take-out and cooking fabulous smelling fatty foods.
Lastly, I'd like to say, Ashley, top that! Lardass!